Translation: Snowflakes
by Wahrsagehund
Summary: This story is mainly about a family which, after years of silence, finds their way back together.  Rory and Lorelai get the possibility to start over when it almost seems to late...
1. Chapter 1

This Fanfiction doesn't belong to me; it is simply a translation from German to English.

I'm trying to do my best to make my favourite story available to more readers, so please be kind and don't be annoyed by mistakes. You are welcome to correct my English as it is far from being perfect.

Credits go to Melisendis, who actually wrote this story with the beautiful name of "Schneeflocken". All of you able to understand German should perhaps rather read her story than poor translation of it.

I also already apologize for not updating frequently. I have got quite a stressful student life so I might not be able to update in a few weeks.

Please be patient!

**Enjoy ****:)**

No man should be afraid of _death_, but that man never start to live.

**Marc Aurel**

**Prologue**

It was one of these nights which reminded me of my old life. Thick snowflakes covered the earth. Couples in love walked through the snow-covered park holding hands. The little quarter emanated an unbearably peace and calmness. The man, who had been selling newspapers from his little stand in front of the oak tree for thirty years, greeted me friendly. I didn't return his greeting. The thought of upcoming Christmas almost made me lose my mind. The newspaper guy was a hypocrite – like the happy couples and the whole damn rest of the entire city. I was very glad to finally reach my warm flat. Like every night I first made myself a can of coffee and sat down in front of the small fireplace to read Tolstoi. He was the only one to understand me. Who had always understood me.

At last I noticed the blinking of my answering machine. My curiosity won over my laziness and I actually began checking my messages. The first message was from Matt. He needed money quite urgently – as usual. I wasn't surprised to hear Jenny's voice next. She usually called during this time of the year to ask the same old questions. I sat down again and listened to the melodious voice of my youngest rather unfocusedly.

"…he gave me your new number. You have to come home immediately!"

His voice pulled me out of my thoughts. It had been forty years, but it suddenly seemed to me like it had happened yesterday. We were standing in the corridor. One word followed the other. The door closed with a loud bang. I saw the young woman I had once been in front of me. I saw how she got into her black jaguar and turned her back on her home. This day had changed everything. I had slowly begun to destroy my life without even realizing it.

I felt my stomach clench, my heart started to pound heavily. Why did he call? There could only be one reason for his call. I saw her eyes looking at me, hurt. She had cried. I had still left without even turning around once.

Only a few minutes later, I was standing at the bus stop with my shiny new suitcase. I had the longest journey of the last few years in front of me. I had seen many countries and collected lots of experience while travelling. But nothing had prepared me for what I was about to do now. I would return to my past.

He had said "_Home_". The sad truth was that I didn't have a home anymore…

**Chapter 1**

Wilhelm von Humboldt once said that "_only someone who knows his past can actually have a future"._ I know my past quite well but can I have a future?

I wasn't really able to able to say what exactly made me wake up. It could have been the loud sneezing of the massive person sitting next to me, the annoying phone conversation of the person in front of me or simply the inhuman way of the bus driver to make use of his brakes.

It was very warm on the bus. The driver seemed to be afraid of his passengers freezing to death. I swept a strain of hair out of my face and looked out of the window. The plan of locating me failed at first. As I suddenly realized where I was, my heartbeat increased tremendously. _Hartford_. How long had it been?

My last time in Hartford had been the funeral of my grandmother. She had followed my grandfather only half a year later. The thought of her funeral eulogy made tears sneak into my eyes. It had taken me hours to write it. Emily Gilmore had deserved a dignified goodbye. She had always been a wonderful grandmother.

I had stayed in Stars Hollow for some days out of politeness, despite my already rather chilled relationship with my mother. This had proved to have been a big mistake. My mother had never been good at discreetness. She waited for Luke and Logan to go to the diner, put the children in front of the television – obviously supplied with a load of movies and popcorn – and pulled me upstairs. I already knew what she wanted to talk about. I had seen it in her face. I had been thankful for her to wait till the funeral service was over.

"Do you think I'm blind?" she had asked me with a demanding voice.

I had only sighed. What should I have told her? To say that I had made a big mistake would have been a lie. It was no mistake. In fact, this and the divorce from Logan were the only right decisions I had ever made.

"Rory, say something!" Yes, the tone of our conversations had definitely changed.

"No."

"What, no?"

Denial wouldn't have made any sense. Matt was the spitting image of his father. The older he grew, the more he resembled him. The following argument had led to a total break-off of communication. She had too often tried to mess with my life.

Luke tried to stop us." Don't part like this." He had whispered it into my ear while I was getting into Logan's car. But I had turned my back on my home town for the second and last time.

"You have become as cold as ice." Paris, of all people, had informed me of this when we had met two weeks later. _Cold as ice. _It had been a mistake to tell her about the argument with my mother. I should have known she wouldn't understand.

The next abrupt use of the brakes pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Stars Hollow", announced the bus driver good-humoured. He had a smoky, disagreeable voice.

The way to the door appeared to be endless. Each step increased the weight on my heart. The closer I came to my destination, the more certain I was that my premonition had been right.

The driver wished me a nice day before I left the bus. I felt an ounce of sarcasm in his words.

Nothing had changed. My eyes wandered through the snow-covered town. It was still early morning and therefore quite deserted. I was thankful for not arriving later during the day.

The whole of Stars Hollow seemed to have already caught the Christmas spirit. There were chains of light on every house and even reindeers and Santa's in some gardens.

Even the pavilion had been decorated. I smiled. For a very short moment I almost felt like the person I had once been.

"Rory? No, that's not possible!"

I turned, terrified, and looked into a pair of brown eyes. The woman went through her snow white hair and smiled lightly. Her eyes and lips were surrounded by wrinkles. A sign for her laughing throughout her life. Her forehead seemed to be covered by wrinkles as well.

"Sookie. Hello." I gave her my hand. It shocked me to see her so old. Suddenly I became aware of my own age. I had turned 60 last month. Is it even possible to start over in this age?

"Rory." She ran a finger over my cheek as if I still was the little girl from the past. "Have you seen her already?" _Didn't she see my suitcase?_ " No, I have just arrived."

Sookie nodded sadly. " She is asking for you. Almost every day." Her eyes filled with tears.

The weight on my heart became unbearable. I felt like I was suffocating.

"Excuse me, but I have to see Mum." _Mum_. How long had I not used it?

A few minutes later, I was standing in front of the house of my childhood. My heart pounded. What would expect me? I was afraid. I walked up the few stairs tentatively. My fingers trembled as I rang the bell.

"Rory." Luke regarded me sadly. His hair had turned completely grey, wrinkles had formed around his eyes.

"Luke." I hugged him, a gesture which surprised me myself.

The man, who had always been my father, softly caressed my back.

I let go of him slowly. " Is Mum alright?" I already knew the answer.

He sighed. "Come in first."

He poured me a coffee, like in old times. We sat down on the little couch. I looked around. Mum hadn't really changed much.

" She gets weaker every day, Rory. She's been sick quite often in the last two years", he began. His voice trembled, he avoided my glance.

_Two years…why didn't they call earlier? I would have come directly._

The weight on my heart still increased. I was afraid of what he was still going to say.

"Half a year ago she fell and hit her head. Her memory is weak ever since. There are good and bad days. It has happened that she didn't even recognize me." He had tears in his eyes. I took his hand and pressed it softly.

"Her immune system is very weak. I have to take care of her diet. According to the doctor, food containing caffeine or lots of fat can be quite dangerous to her health." Luke sighed sadly.

"How…could this happen?"

"She's an old woman, Rory. Her body gets sicker every day", he said silently.

"Is she upstairs?" I needed to see my Mom. As fast as possible. I couldn't bear sitting in the living room much longer.

"She is probably still sleeping. Rory, there's also something else…"

My heartbeat stopped.

"She has caught the flu again."

_Flu. Flu is curable! She'll be fine again. For sure._ I swallowed my tears. "We'll nurse her till she's well again." My voice cracked. Tears were running down my cheeks.

"Her body is too weak, Rory. The doctor says she has…about 2 weeks left."

_What do these so called Gods know about the willpower of Lorelai Gilmore? _"How can you give her up already? Mum has always been a fighter! She won't let a simple flu get her down!" I just couldn't accept reality. I was the daughter who needed her most beloved mother. _Mum, I need you! I have always needed you! During every second of my life…You can't just go. I won't let you! _Under tears I cried:" She will be well again. Mum will be fine!" I felt like I was suffocating. Luke pressed me to his chest and sobbed.

It took me almost three hours till I was able to enter the bedroom of my Mum. I trembled while I slowly approached her bed. She was pale; her eyes had lost their brightness. "Mum."

Tears ran down my cheeks as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

She lifted her small think hand very slowly and caressed my cheek awkwardly.

"Rory", she grinded out. "My Rory."

I sank down to her chest, sobbing, but set back up again directly. I was afraid of hurting her.

"Don't cry", Mum whispered.

I looked at her and tried to smile. "You will be well again. I promise."

She smiled. " They won't let me drink coffee anymore, can you believe that?"

"No." I returned her smile.

"How is little Carol?", she inquired.

Little Carol was by now almost forty years old, lived in Puerto Rico and expected her third and fourth child, they were going to be twins. _As if they didn't have enough problems already. _"She is fine", I answered finally. It wasn't a lie.

My eldest actually seemed to be happy with her life.

"Good." Mum smiled.

"What happened?", she asked at last.

I hesitated. Mum looked at me sadly. "We were friends. How could this happen? How could we become such strangers? I can only remember parts of it…there are so many missing pieces. What happened, Rory? I…don't understand."

_I can remember every detail but still don't know how it could get this far. _I wanted to let past be past, but instinctively knew, that it wouldn't be possible. We had to talk about the last decades at last.

Mum pressed my hand and looked at me pleadingly. "Rory, I know it's hard. My memory has become so weak. I want us to finally talk about everything…to sort this out…before I'm going to die."

"You will not die!" The weight on my heart increased. "You are a fighter!"

Mum simply nodded.

"Do you remember Matt and Jenny?"

She looked at dresser opposite her bed with a concentrated look and finally shook her head. "It's horrible! I know there's something inside me. But I just can't remember. Luke says that it isn't always like this. That there are good days as well. I can still remember some parts very clearly. For example the day of the opening of the Dragonfly. Luke and I kissed then for the first time." She smiled. " But after that….there are so many gaps…" Her eyes watered.

It was terrible for her. It seemed as if many years of her life had almost been completely deleted.

She softly ran a finger over my hand. It was a request. I breathed deeply and began narrating.

It was the least I could do for her.


	2. Chapter 2

This Fanfiction doesn't belong to me; it is simply a translation from German to English.

I'm trying to do my best to make my favourite story available to more readers, so please be kind and don't be annoyed by mistakes. You are welcome to correct my English as it is far from being perfect.

Credits go to Melisendis, who actually wrote this story with the beautiful name of "Schneeflocken". All of you able to understand German should perhaps rather read her story than poor translation of it.

Sorry for the late update ;-) I'll try to be faster next time.

I guess most of you have already realized that this story doesn't follow the whole plot of Amy Sherman-Palladino.

Anyways,

Enjoy :)

**Part 2**

It was difficult to say when it had all begun. I doubt that it's possible to actually find an exact point of time for the change of a person and therefore also her surrounding. Too much had happened. Still, there might have been one decisive day – one night which changed the direction of my life entirely.

-_Flashback -_

_It was a mild night in late spring just before the end of my first year in Yale. It had been a horrible evening so far. Dean had picked me up and brought me back to my dorm. I can still remember how thankful I was. We had just stood in front of my door chatting a little when Jess had suddenly come around the corner. My heart had stopped. He had left Stars Hollow without a word a year before. I had almost managed to cope with the pain when he had returned and just like that out of the blue told me that he loved me. Then he had left again – without waiting for a reply. He had broken my heart a second time._

- _End_ -

I breathed deeply. The eyes of my mother were on me. Her face appeared unemotional. It was difficult for me to talk about Jess. The old pain came back. I remembered many nights of lying in my bed and crying myself to sleep. Jess had been my one true love. My feelings for him had completely overwhelmed me. I had never before been able to love a man like this and I was never again able to love someone that much and unconditionally.

-_Flashback-_

_Although something inside me wanted him to leave immediately, I still let him enter my room. I wanted to know what he had to say to me. When I finally found out, it left me speechless. I had expected quite many things. But not that._

_-End-_

I felt the thin, bony hand of my Mom softly stroking my forearm. She knew what was going on inside me.

-_Flashback_-

_"…only say no to me if you really don't want to be with me!"_

_"No." It had come too fast. It had torn our hearts to thousand pieces._

_I had almost been able to hear the sound of it._

_There was hurt in his eyes when he had left the room._

_I have often wondered how my life would have been if I hadn't rejected him then._

_But what was I supposed to do? Go with him? Leave all the people I love behind me? Drop out of college?_

_It had been so unexpected. I might have reacted differently if I had known something before. I might have asked him to come back to Stars Hollow? It might have been possible to rebuild trust? Maybe he was already changed then._

_And once again I'm thinking about questions which will never be answered._

_Why are humans so obsessed with questioning the past? Why is it so hard to just accept former decisions even if they were wrong? These decisions were made for a reason after all, weren't they?_

_I had been very afraid of getting hurt again. I just couldn't trust him anymore._

_It seemed best for me to just completely take him out of my life. I didn't know that I was going to see him again only 12 years later._

_-End-_

Mum touched my arm softly. A tear came streaming down my cheek and landed on her hand. I avoided looking into her eyes. There she would read that I still loved him now. There was no need for her to see it, she knew it anyways.

_-Flashback-_

_Forgetting Jess seemed to be the only possible option for me. I wanted to be happy again._

_I remember talking to my former best friend Lane about Jess. She was right; one of the reasons why I loved Jess so much was his unpredictability._

_Dean had always been quite predictable. Our relationship had been happy but there I had always felt that something was missing._

_And then there was Jess who had broken my heart twice. I had managed to break it a third time myself._

_Dean was married to Lindsay, a woman he did not love and just didn't fit to him. I knew that Dean would never hurt me and just really love me. I desperately needed safety and love. As I was convinced to get it from Dean, I really wanted to love him. I had almost been able to persuade myself but had never really truly believed it. It had been unfair to him but I had really believed that I would someday really be able to love him back. This longing for closeness and love finally lead to me giving in and letting him have me. I had been sure that he would leave Lindsay for me. But he never did – you were always right, Mum._

_-End-_

"I can remember it. You told me, you hated me and left the house." Mum was crying. Our first really intense fight still hurt her after all these years. I could still feel the weight on my heart. I would never forget this one evening twenty years ago.

_-Flashback-_

_We were standing in the corridor of the big house that Logan had bought a few years before._

_Carol had two suitcases in her hand. Her eyes were red and puffy and her beautiful hair dishevelled._

_"Are you completely nuts now?" I couldn't believe what I had just heard._

_"I'm old enough to make my own decisions!" Carol breathed deeply and confidently looked into my eyes. I could still sense her insecurity._

_"You are not even twenty! I won't let you throw your life away for a man!"_

_"His name is Ramon, Mum. Can't you even remember that?"_

_"You will finish your education here, young lady!"_

_"No."_

_Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes. "Don't tell me that he has impregnated you?" I should have found a better way of asking but my mouth had been too fast._

_Carol tried to swallow the upcoming tears. "No, Mum. I just love him. I can't stand it here anymore." Tears came streaming down here pale cheeks._

_"What do you want to tell me?" Instead of hugging and comforting her, I just stood with my hands on my hips and looked at her angrily._

_"You have never loved me, Mum…"_

_I was paralysed. I couldn't believe what I had just heard._

_"You have always blamed me for everything. If it hadn't been for me, you would have never had to take a break from your studies…and you would have never married Dad! It's not my fault! You should have used better contraceptives…"_

_"How can you…" I was speechless._

_"You love Jenny, our sunshine and Matt. He's the son of your true love after all. But me…no, you have never loved me!"_

_"Excuse me! Repeat that for me, young lady?"_

_Carol wiped away a tear from her cheek. "Did you think, I wouldn't know? How stupid do you think I am? I was just next door when you had your fight with Grandma!"_

_"You eavesdropped?"_

_"Yes. I actually just wanted to ask Grandma something when I heard some interesting snippets of the conversation so I stood and tried to listen. You cheated on Dad!"_

_"Carol…!"_

_"I don't have anything left to say to you!" She turned once before leaving the house._

_"And please talk to Grandma!" How often had she already said this to me? We hadn't been in contact with my Mum since the funeral of my Grandma. Too many things had happened. Her accusations about my apparently wrong behaviour against Logan had only topped it all._

_"That's none of your business."_

_"It is my business, too! You never wanted someone to interfere with your life and what are you doing with mine?"_

_"He will only hurt you. You are too different…"_

_"Why? Because he isn't rich? Cant you just let me lead my own life?"_

_"I'm certain that you'll be right here not later than half a year and tell me that I was right. Like it has always been whenever you made your own decisions."_

_Carol sobbed. "I hate you." She closed the door with a bang._

_I felt like my heart was breaking into pieces. Had she really just said that? My little girl, you had always had the best of everything? I hoped to finally wake up from a bad dream. It wasn't possible that my little daughter had really just left._

_I can remember the flagging getting cold. I must have sat there for hours. How long is anyone able to cry?_

_Two little arms hugged me from behind. "Mummy!" I pulled little Jenny close and held her tight. Carols words were stuck in my head. Had she been right with her accusations? I felt like suffocation was coming to me slowly._

_-End-_

"I didn't mean it like that. I was so desperate and angry – because I knew deep inside that you were right. I'm so sorry, Mum. I have always loved you, every second of my life!" Suddenly the weight on my heart felt less heavy. Liberating tears were running down my cheeks.

"I love you too, my darling." Mum smiled lightly.

I hugged her, still sobbing. It was a wonderful feeling to finally lie in her arms. _I should have talked to her earlier_. I felt so snug and safe. I was here with my Mum, my most beloved Mum. I sobbed. _She is going to die._ Luke had been sure. No, she couldn't die. She just couldn't leave me alone like this. I let go of her softly.

"Go on, honey." She asked me. Why was she in such a hurry? It seemed like she wanted to hear the last 40 years in a few hours. _She wouldn't…_I swallowed and didn't dare to even consider it.

"You went outside and comforted me. We… made up."

The truth was that there had always been a little crack in our relationship afterwards.

"You still love him…", Mum said suddenly.

I sensed that it wasn't Dean she was talking about. "Yes", I said softly, almost not audible anymore. She still heard and nodded lightly.

I had tried repeatedly to stop loving Jess. I still hadn't managed yet.

"Rory…" Mum looked at me tiredly.

"Yes?" I was worried. She had become a lot paler.

"Could you bring me a cup of…tea?"

I had to smile about the way she seemed to pronounce the word with difficulty. But it also made me sad at the same time. _She wouldn't drink tea if it wasn't necessary._

"Of course."

"I'm tired, honey. Tell me tomorrow what happened next."

Í nodded and slowly made my way down the stairs. When I reached the kitchen I couldn't hold my tears back anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

This Fanfiction doesn't belong to me; it is simply a translation from German to English.

I'm trying to do my best to make my favourite story available to more readers, so please be kind and don't be annoyed by mistakes. You are welcome to correct my English as it is far from being perfect.

Credits go to Melisendis, who actually wrote this story with the beautiful name of "Schneeflocken". All of you able to understand German should perhaps rather read her story than poor translation of it.

I also already apologize for not updating frequently. I have got quite a stressful student life so I might not be able to update in a few weeks.

Please be patient!

Thank you for your kind reviews, any suggestions are always welcome to me. I did learn British English in school, so I'm not that familiar with American expressions...

**Part 3**

My limbs began to hurt, but I didn't pay attention. I pulled my legs closer to my body and leaned my forehead against my knees. Tears were streaming down my face. I shivered, I sweated. The weight on my heart made me feel like I was suffocating. I just wanted to wake up – wake up from a horrible nightmare.

A cold hand on my shoulder pulled me out of my thoughts.

Luke looked at me. He had cried, too.

I wanted to say something to him but was somehow not able to utter a sound.

It seemed like the tears had made my voice vanish. Maybe it was better that way; I had talked too much already in the last decades.

The man, who had always been a father to me, gave me his hand. I took it hesitantly and let him help me up. Luke was almost eighty years old but still strong. It was for my mother.

"Tea." My voice sounded sore.

He frowned.

"Mum wants tea."

Luke nodded and glanced at his watch. "She has to take her pills. I will take care of that. Go out for a walk or something."

_I can't leave her alone!_ I swallowed hard. She had been suffering for two years already. I had already left her alone for two years. _No, it was more like half her life. _My eyes burned.

I hardly noticed Luke's soft touch on my cheek. "Rory. Your Mum needs to rest now. You can see her again tomorrow."

It was six p.m. Mum had never gone to bed this early. _She has also never been that ill before. I _repressed the thought and nodded lightly. Go for a walk? Where to?

I ran. The snowfall became heavier, the sky darker. I still kept on running. Finally I realized where my legs had guided me.

Its size was impressive. I stared on its snow-covered branches. The one tree which was always going to be there. Nobody would ever harm it. Mum had planted it herself. It was a memory. A memory of the little girl, who had never been able to see the light of day. Mum had blamed me for her miscarriage for many years. She had probably never stopped.

I took a step closer and wiped away the snow from the bark. _In loving memory of Corinne Danes. _I started to cry again_. Why didn't you get the chance to live ?I love you, little sister._

I had often imagined how she would have looked like.

I loud noise pulled my out of my thoughts. Two boys were running around in the streets and throwing snow balls at each other. They were laughing hard. They were probably Carmen's age. I smiled.

_-Flashback-_

_The __corridor of the hospital was filled with agitated voices. Although my Spanish was really good, I could only understand a few words. _

_I was worried. There hadn't been any sound from the delivery room yet. Logan took my hand, but I pulled it away immediately._

"_Don't worry", Susanna said, Carol's mother-in-law._

_I wanted to be with my daughter. She needed me._

_Suddenly I heard the cry of a newborn baby. Susanna pressed my hand. Even though I hated this woman more than anyone else in the entire world, I didn't object. _

_A little later Ramon exited the delivery room. He was carrying a tiny baby. His eyes showed pure joy. _

"_You have a granddaughter." He smiled proudly and handed her over. _

_I didn't feel like a grandmother at 48 but the moment I had little Carmen in my arms, it lighted up my heart. She was the cutest creature, I had ever seen. I caressed her cheeks softly. _

"_She has the proud look of a true Huntzberger", Logan suddenly said. I hated him for saying that._

_I looked into Carmen's bright blue eyes. My eyes, Mum's eyes. "You are a Gilmore girl."_

_-End-_

_Carol has my eyes. She is a Gilmore girl, too. _I swallowed_. _I sucked at being a daughter but was even worse being a Mum. I turned back to the tree of my little sister. I had only been here twice. My fingers softly touched the carvings.

"What are you doing there?" An appalled voice was calling from behind.

I felt the weight increasing on my heart. I recognized her at once. Slowly, I turned around.

"Oh my God!" Lane was still a beauty despite her age. Her long, still black, hair was pinned up to an elegant knot.

I took a step towards my former best friend. "Lane…"

"You came back." It sounded cold. Lane had never been cold.

"Yes." I dropped my head. She wasn't supposed to see the upcoming tears in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry about Lorelai", she said softly. "How is she?"

I bit my lower lip. "She'll be well again."

Lane didn't respond and I loved her for it.

"How are you, Lane?"

Lane had become famous with her band. They had given many concerts and even appeared on MTV a few times. After fifteen years they had finally split. Lane had got back to together with Dave after some years of turbulent relationships with Zach and someone named Joe Cutter. They had gotten married and had two wonderful sons. Lane owned a quite well known record label. That was all I knew.

"Not too bad, all things considered."

I didn't push it any further. "How is Mrs Kim?"

"Very good."

I could understand her acting so coldly. "Good to hear. I guess... I'll go now. I also want to visit the Dragonfly." Mums biggest achievement. She would be happy to hear that I had been there.

Lane's face suddenly changed. She looked down at her feet.

I felt the weight on my heart again.

-_**F**__lashback-_

_Mum stared at me. "Where are you moving?"_

_I put a strain of hair behind my ear. "Mum. This is my chance!"_

"_No, it's Logan's!"_

"_Mum, I will work for a real newspaper."_

"_Didn't you want to be a correspondent for CNN? What happened to that?"_

_I could hear her disappointment._

"_CNN isn't waiting for me! I don't have any promotion prospect here in Connecticut!"_

"_Did Logan drum that into you?"_

"_Did you really think I was always going to be here? That I was going to build a house right next to you and someday give up my job as a journalist to take over your small town hotel? I didn't graduate for that!"_

_Mum sobbed. "The Dragonfly is my life's work!"_

_-End-_

I had been arrogant and mean. My Mum had achieved so much in her life. I would have neither had had her courage and strength. I had always looked up to her for that.

"Lane?" I looked at her, pleading.

She sighed. "You don't know?"

"What do I not know here?"

"There was a horrible thunderstorm…the Inn was completely on fire. There wasn't enough money to rebuild it."

"But…it was a historical building!" My voice cracked. _A second fire._

Lane smiled weakly. "Even historical buildings are not protected from the danger of fire."

"When did it happen?"

"Twelve years ago."

I shivered. Lane came closer and hugged me. I snuggled up against her chest. She stroked my hair lightly. "Just let go." I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

I returned home at almost eleven. I was worried, so I sneaked up the stairs to check on Mum. She was sleeping peacefully. Luke was lying on a big armchair right next to her bed, still holding her hand while snoring loudly.

I breathed deeply. It was too early for me. I went into my old bedroom and let myself fall onto the bad. _I want to wake up now._

I wiped away the last tear from my cheeks. I hadn't been there for her but I would never leave her again now. It wouldn't make up for anything I had done. But she would at least have a daughter during her final days.

The chair was heavy but I still managed to carry it to the other side of the bed. I softly caressed her forehead and kissed her cheek. "I love you, Mum." I sat down, took her hand and waited for sleep to come.


	4. Chapter 4

This Fanfiction doesn't belong to me; it is simply a translation from German to English.

I'm trying to do my best to make my favourite story available to more readers, so please be kind and don't be annoyed by mistakes. You are welcome to correct my English as it is far from being perfect.

Credits go to Melisendis, who actually wrote this story with the beautiful name of "Schneeflocken". All of you able to understand German should perhaps rather read her story than poor translation of it.

I also already apologize for not updating frequently. I have got quite a stressful student life so I might not be able to update in a few weeks.

Please be patient!

**I know it took forever this time...I'll try to improve :)**

**Im'm happy about any review ;-)**

**Part 4**

It's a strange feeling to wake up one morning and not have the slightest idea where you are. I have been in this situation three times and it has always been the same. At first you want to understand what happened – once you know, you immediately try to forget it.

Warm rays of sun were gently tickling my nose; I was close to sneezing but tried to suppress it. Through my half-opened eyes I could see Luke bending down to my Mom and whispering something affectionately into her ear. She smiled.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Tears would destroy the beautiful moment.

_-Flashback-_

_"Luke and I are together!" Mum radiated happiness as she took a huge bite from her pizza._

_We were sitting in our living room, some stupid talk show was still audible in the background._

_I had sensed before that she actually had big news for me. It had been one or two weeks after our big fight about the thing with Dean, the "incident", as we called it. The whole town already knew about the happy couple, including myself. _

_I smiled. "I know."_

_"He's taking me to a fancy restaurant tonight. I don't have anything to wear!" The desperate expression on her face was priceless. I tried hard to hide my smile. Mum behaved like an enamoured teenager._

_-End-_

Luke ran his hand tenderly over her head. She reached for his hand. Her fingers were trembling. Her looks were full of warmth.

Only true love could look like this.

_-Flashback-_

_After listening to Paris' neverending stories about her new boyfriend, a young doctor, for almost two hours, I finally managed to make her leave. I had loads of studying to get done. I hadn't even finished with my second paragraph of a really huge script, when I heard a resolute knock on my door. _

_I opened, already annoyed. "Mum?"_

_She stormed into my apartment and jumped onto the couch – missing my script by an inch._

_"I have to tell you something." She was glowing._

_I sat next to hear and moved my script to my lap. She was supposed to see that I didn't have time for a long chat._

_"You know Luke, right?" She began excitedly._

_I nodded but didn't reply. After a hard critique from my chief editor, a strange tingler of a tutor, a heated argument with Logan and Paris' overjoyed praise of her boyfriend - whom she would probably curse in two weeks at the latest - I really wasn't in the mood to talk._

_"So…Luke. Our dealer, friend, lover…"_

_"Your lover!" I corrected her._

_"We had a date yesterday."_

_I sighed. Couldn't she just get to the point of this?_

_Mum smiled cheerily. "It was so romantic! A Picnic in the moonlight."_

_"Luke and a Picnic?" I had definitely misunderstood her._

_"Yeah. We were directly next to a little lake. It was unbelievable! The water sparkled in the moonlight…" She sighed. "He had brought two big blankets. There was chicken, fries, pancakes…everything you can even think of! And a huge piece of Danish. After dinner he packed away the food and we cuddled up under the blankets. He kissed me tenderly and…"_

_"Please, Mum, no details!" I groaned._

_Mum smirked. "After the details he took my hand and pulled me up. We started walking slowly around the lake to the other side. You should have seen the sky, Rory! It was so beautiful. I tried to count the stars but got lost all the time." She laughed but turned serious again quickly. "Then he suddenly took my hand and kissed me. It was a kiss full of passion. I have never before been able to feel such love and passion for a man. He hugged me. I never wanted to let go of him again, I felt so secure in his arms. Suddenly he pulled away. Rory, it was like a fairytale! He told me, how much he loved me. He had done that before but it was totally different this time. While softly caressing my cheek, he pulled out a small black box from his pocket…"_

_"A small box?"_

_Mum beamed. "He…asked me to marry him."_

_"What did you say?" I already knew the answer._

_She breathed deeply and held up her hand, so I could see it. It was silver and a single ruby was shining in the light. I hugged her._

_-End-_

Luke kissed my Mum softly.

That's what being loved looked like. I swallowed my tears. It was almost like I had never come. They didn't see me. They lived a full life.

They had always been in love. Their marriage had been out of love. Like it was supposed to be.

_-Flashback-_

_"Are you sure?" Lane looked at me, doubt in her eyes._

_I nodded decisively. "It doesn't make sense to keep up this relationship any longer."_

_-End-_

I had wanted to finally break it off with Logan.

_-Flashback-_

_I stared at my watch and stared at the small cup in my hands. Alternately._

_Time didn't do me the favour of just freezing. There was no way back anymore._

_I was cowering in the corner of the little bathroom in our dorm. The door was locked. I could hear my flatmates curse and knock vehemently against the bathroom door._

_I was trembling when I pulled the strip out of the cup. I knew the result before I had even seen it._

_-End-_

I had wanted to leave Logan but then I became pregnant.

_-Flashback-_

_"You are…what?" Logan stared at me, appalled._

_I nodded. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I had absolutely no idea how to go on._

_Having the baby seemed right to me, I would have never been able to have an abortion._

_I sank down on Logan's bed. _

_He sat down next to me and softly caressed my back. His voice became smooth all of a sudden. "We will make. Let's do the right thing now."_

_-End-_

"The right thing", as Logan had called it, had probably been one of the worst decisions of my life.

A single tear slowly found its way down my cheek.

"She's awake." I suddenly heard Luke's voice.

I tried to smile. "Good Morning."

"Are you hungry? It's almost noon."

Noon…what difference did it make? Then I realized that time was vitally important.

"No, thank you." It seemed impossible to eat.

"You have to eat", said Mum.

"How about a pancake?" Luke smiled. He knew how to tempt me.

"Okay." I agreed.

"And get me some coffee!", demanded Mum, before he left the room.

They were worried about me. Wasn't it my turn to worry about them?

Mum stroke my hand lightly. She looked less pale than yesterday but the brightness of her eyes was still missing.

"Did you sleep well?" I inquired hesitantly.

She smiled lightly, hardly noticeable. "You were with me. As long as both of you are here, I will always be well."

Suddenly Luke entered the room, a trey in his hands. "Carol called. She'll be here tonight."

I hadn't been there for my eldest daughter numerous times. But she still didn't let me down. Well, at least not her grandmother.

"Go on, sweetie. I need to hear more." She tried to smile. Luke had left the room. She could still remember exactly what I had told her the day before.

Luke had mentioned good and bad days. I was afraid of the bad ones.


	5. Chapter 5

This Fanfiction doesn't belong to me; it is simply a translation from German to English.

I'm trying to do my best to make my favourite story available to more readers, so please be kind and don't be annoyed by mistakes. You are welcome to correct my English as it is far from being perfect.

Credits go to Melisendis, who actually wrote this story with the beautiful name of "Schneeflocken". All of you able to understand German should perhaps rather read her story than poor translation of it.

I know it's been a long time again, I hope you are not angry with me yet. Well, anyways any comment is welcome...Obviously not only on the translation but also on the story

as I'm quite sure, Melisendis is checking this frequently, too ;-)

Have a nice read!

**Part 4**

_We learn from our mistakes._ My grandfather used to say this. Richard Gilmore had been a smart and wonderful person. I had loved him very much.

But he was also just a human being who was terribly wrong sometimes.

_-Flashback-_

_"This party is going to be great." Logan smiled and softly stroked the back of my hand._

_We were standing in front of the notice board directly next to the library entrance. Stuck there was a big innocent looking poster, which would bring me a lot closer to my personal bad luck. _

_Dean and I had broken up a month ago. I hadn't been interested in dates anymore._

_"I'm not really a party person." I withdrew my hand._

_He smirked. His smirk had a strange effect on me. On the one hand it made me suspicious on the other hand it made me smile. _

_He didn't keep it a secret that he wanted to go out with me. Even though I couldn't really interpret his intention, I felt flattered. And there was this longing…_

_"Rory, you should have some fun once in a while! You can still study for the rest of your life."_

_I can't remember what else he might have said to convince me. I just know that somehow he managed._

_What happened next seemed inevitable._

_-End-_

Mum looked at me silently. She had always disliked Logan. It might have even been one of the reasons why I had married him in the end.

I handed her the cup of tea from her bedside table. She had to drink a lot.

After taking a few sips, she tried to keep up her smile. I still knew that she would never be able to appreciate its taste.

"I would do anything for a cup of coffee", she whispered suddenly.

I caressed her forehead softly. "You'll be well again soon. Then we'll drink coffee, eat pizza and have a crazy movie night."

She smiled. Like a mother would smile when her child had just said something really naïve. Calm and friendly.

_Why are you doing this, Mum? You cannot give up so easily! I know you can recover. You don't give up! I will never give up on you…_

Mum took my hand and pressed it. Her squeeze was too light, nothing compared to her former self. Her eyes looked at me expectantly.

I didn't want to talk but I had to.

_-Flashback-_

_He kissed me after our third date. Softly at first, almost tentatively. Then roughly. I thought it was passion. _

_"Thank you for this evening", he breathed into my ear. His warm breath created goose-bumps on my skin. _

_It is difficult to say what this kiss meant to me. It was a nice feeling to be wanted. His lips were soft and his Aftershave smelled nicely. _

_He was nice and quite handsome – he could even be quite funny if he wanted. We had quite a few similar interests. He respected me and was interested in me and my life. _

_He was a good catch, as my grandmother had called it. This guy is a dream, just don't let him go, some of my classmates had said. Even Paris hadn't found much reason to complain then._

_So I decided to make my peace with the past and went for it._

_Our relationship became quite serious after surviving the first few small problems. _

_After four months he claimed to love me. _

_How could he not? I had fully melted into his world. Starting a new life seemed to be the best way to forget about the past. _

_And there he was, sitting on my bed, the supposedly good catch, and told me he loved me._

_In this moment I realized something which I just couldn't accept as being true. To convince myself of the opposite, I slept with him. _

_There had also been alcohol but not enough to put the blame on._

_I wanted to love him; he was good for me then. And somehow I had started to believe I loved him. We continued to meet even more often. I got to know his parents. _

_They had never really liked me. He met my grandparents who simply adored him. And I introduced him to Luke and my Mum. They disliked him from the beginning._

_-End-_

"You've never really loved him", Mum said softly.

A single tear ran down my cheek.

_-Flashback-_

_"I told you, he would just make you miserable!"_

_"You said the same thing with Jess!" Strange, I immediately thought of him. Well, actually, quite logical._

_"Rory! Don't make yourself miserable! You can't marry a man without loving him! Nowadays a child is really not a reason for a wedding anymore." _

_I had been certain to do the right thing. Mum and I had had our differences, our relationship was rather cold. She didn't understand me and I didn't understand her. _

_In Logan I had found a man who loved me how I deserved to be loved. She had always been afraid of loosing me to my grandmother's world. It probably happened, at least to some extent._

_-End-_

"Why did you marry him?" Mum looked at me questioningly. She had never understood me.

Nor had I.

"I really thought he could make me happy." That wasn't everything. After all I had almost broken up with him. "Grandma, Grandpa…his family…Logan." I sighed.

Mum nodded. "They expected you to marry him."

"I wasn't strong enough. At some point I was really convinced that it was right."

"Didn't I support you enough with this?" Mum had tears in her eyes. I didn't want that. She shouldn't cry. Not again. We had already cried too much.

"We had a difficult time." I didn't mentioned how much worse it had still gotten after that.

Mum nodded.

"I really believed him when he said he loved me." It was soft, almost inaudible.

_-Flashback-_

_All eyes were on me. They looked at me expectantly. Grandma was crying. Out of joy. Mum was crying, too. She grieved for me and my decision._

_I looked at Logan. He smiled. Nice and trustworthy. Had he ever smiled like this at one of his affairs?_

_The day was hot and I was very pregnant. Carol struggled heavily. She might have somehow sensed what a mistake I was about to make. _

_My hair was stuck to my forehead. I sweated._

_My eyes started to wander around the rows in the church._

_They expected me to reply. My eyes stopped at the sight of my mother. She shook her head, very lightly and barely noticeable but still distinctly. Her fingers shivered. _

_She would have done anything to keep me from marrying him. Luke took her hand and looked at me sadly._

_I still remember what I thought in this exact moment. Stop interfering with my life!_

_I let others do the job instead. _

_I will always remember my reply and its undertone._

_It sounded defiantly. I was addressing my Mum and my unborn child rather than Logan. _

_"Yes, I do."_

_A truly happy bride._

_-End-_

Running away was my main method when it came to dealing with the past. I was never really able to make my peace with it. This might have been one of the few reasons why

I had never been able to love Logan.

"Honey…" Mum wiped away the tears from my cheek.

I had come here in order to take care of her until she was healthy again. Now she was the one who had started to heal my heart.

I hugged her. "Mummy…" My sobbing became louder.

"We all make mistakes."

"Yes, but everyone except me seems to stop at some point." I almost sounded like a child. I wanted to be a child again. A little girl who cried because she fell to the ground.

Mum would take some band-aid and carefully cover the wound with it. She would take me into her arms, soothe me until I stopped crying and finally buy ice-cream for me.

Yes I really longed for being that child. It seemed so much better than a bitter woman at the deathbed of her mother.

_-Flashback-_

_"Mummy!" I ran towards my mother, a laughter on my lips. It was my sixth birthday. _

_She hugged me. "Did you sleep well?"_

_"Never better."_

_"Let's go. I might have seen some presents lying on the table waiting for you."_

_She smiled mysteriously. Her dark hair shined in the light._

_"Yessss!" I cheered happily. _

_Her soft lips touched my cheeks. She took my hand and lead me next door._

_-End-_

"I love you so much", I cried, sobbing silently.

She kissed my forehead. Her lips had become rougher and paler. I could still feel the same motherly warmth and love she had always kept for me.


	6. Chapter 6

This Fanfiction doesn't belong to me; it is simply a translation from German to English.

I'm trying to do my best to make my favourite story available to more readers, so please be kind and don't be annoyed by mistakes. You are welcome to correct my English as it is far from being perfect.

Credits go to Melisendis, who actually wrote this story with the beautiful name of "Schneeflocken". All of you able to understand German should perhaps rather read her story than poor translation of it.

I also already apologize for not updating frequently. I have got quite a stressful student life so I might not be able to update in a few weeks.

Please be patient!

**I'm still happy about any comment :)**

**Enjoy your read!**

**Part 6 **

_-Flashback-_

_It was already dark. The rain was pattering hard against the front of my car. My speed was close to being dangerous but it didn't matter to me. _

_I just had to reach there in time. _

_My heart was pounding. I was afraid, terribly afraid._

_"Come as fast as possible", he had said. His voice had been trembling. He must have already cried a lot._

_The pressure on my heart seemed to increase the closer I came to reaching. My hands were trembling._

_The radio played a happy tune which seemed to be part of a former life. I turned it off._

_The parking lot was almost empty. It still took me nearly ten minutes to park my car. Parking was followed by getting out. Getting out meant facing the truth. _

_There would be no way back if I entered the building in front of me. _

_Is it possible to flee from one's past? To just leave it behind?_

_I didn't lock the car. I didn't give a damn about car thieves. It wouldn't matter anyways._

_I could feel the wetness and the cold as I entered the hospital._

_Luke sat in the waiting room, his head supported by his hands. _

_He didn't look up when I approached him._

_"Mum. Where is Mum?" Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I felt like I was suffocating._

_Luke looked up slowly. His eyes were red. "Room 172." He seemed to be absent, only a shadow of his usual self. _

_"Is…she…"There was a huge lump in my throat._

_Lukes' eyes just stared at me lacking any expression. He knew What I was asking and I knew the answer._

_My knees started to tremble. I shivered. _

_The waiting room had cold white walls. There was only Luke, me and a nurse._

_On the wall behind Luke was a painting of a mother and a baby. The mother held the tiny baby in her pencil-arms, smiling softly. The baby was laughing. _

_In the upper right hand corner was a big yellow sun its rays a colourful mix of yellow and orange. Two crippled Vs on the left were probably supposed to be birds. _

_Seagulls. In the background were three palm trees. Did they travel there to see the sea? The cheeks of the baby were red and healthy; it was patting its tiny hands. _

_In the lower right corner was the signature of the artist "Yasmine"._

_"You can see your mother now." Had I really just heard a voice? I'm still not sure. But I can still remember that the white corridor seemed endless. It felt like hours, days,_

_ even years had passed after I had finally reached the small room._

_172. The door was closed. I didn't know what to expect. I tried to breathe deeply. My fingers were trembling when I reached for the handle. I felt sweaty. _

_And cold, terribly cold._

_Mum was alone in the small room. She didn't notice me. Her eyes were expressionless, fixed on the white wall in front of her. Her eyelids were swollen, her eyes seemed red._

_How much can one person cry?_

_I approached her slowly. A singly tear feel down to the floor. I knew what had happened._

_My last sparkle of hope had been extinguished when I had seen her like that._

_"Mum?" My voice sounded sore. _

_She didn't look up._

_"Mum?" I tried again. Please talk to me!_

_Her head turned to me very slowly. "I have lost her." Her voice was trembling, she had only been whispering. Mum hadn't realized what had happened yet._

_ She was still in shock._

_I tried to take her hand but she pulled it back immediately._

_"Mum…"_

_I didn't know what it was, what I saw in her eyes on that day, but I would never be able to forget it._

_"What do you want to say to me, Rory? Do you really think you can say anything that would make me feel better now? You have already said too much in the last months! _

_I have lost my BABY! Nothing you could say can soothe me now!" Her voice cracked. Tears were streaming down her cheeks._

_I wanted to hug her, hold her and comfort her. My feet seemed to be stuck to the floor, I couldn't move. "Mum…"_

_"Rory, please go. I want to be alone."_

_"Mum…our fight yesterday…the last months…I…"_

_Mum sat up a little. "Rory, leave me alone! Can you not accept my wish this once?"_

_Mum had never directly blamed me for Corinne's death. I still knew that she did so in her heart._

_The rain had stopped. A rainbow would have been visible if it was day. Corinne would never see a rainbow. _

_The little creature would never have the chance for a life. She would never be able to get to know her Mummy. Travel with her to the sea and sit under palm trees._

_I had killed my little sister._

_The steering wheel felt hard and cold in my hands. My clothes and my body were soaked. By rain or tears, I couldn't tell. It didn't matter anyways._

_-End-_

This dream had been following me for years. The memory I would never be able to forget.

I was lying in the bed of my childhood. The pillow was wet. I pressed my head against the soft fabric. Nobody was supposed to hear my sobs.

It was only ten thirty, but I had already been lying in my bed for almost three hours. Mum had been tired quite early.

I breathed deeply. Mum didn't remember Corinne anymore. How would she react if I told her about the darkest chapter in our past?

The ringing of the bell was loud but I still almost didn't notice it.

It was a young, cheerful voice that pulled me back into the present.

Four voices.

They had arrived.

I wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

"Where is Mum?" I could hear the voice of my first born daughter.

"She's already sleeping", explained Luke.

"How is she?" Her voice had become softer. She seemed to afraid of me being awake and hearing her.

How was I supposed to be?

I didn't hear Luke's answer.

It was almost midnight when I suddenly heard soft steps in the hallway. The door to my room was opened carefully.

"Grandma?" I saw Carmen's frail silhouette.

"Yes, my darling."

She closed the door behind her silently and climbed into my bed. "Did I wake you up?"

I ran my fingers through her dark, curly hair. "No, sweetheart."

She snuggled up next to me.

"How are you, Granny?" Her cute accent made me smile.

"I'm just a little tired." I was tired, incredibly tired. This kind of tiredness would not vanish, even if I slept for days and weeks.

"Granny?"

"Yes?"

"Is great-grandma going to die?" Carmen had always been a very cheerful girl, optimistic through and through. She had also been quite naïve.

I wasn't yet prepared for this question. Carmen sounded scared. I was scared, too.

"No, we'll take good care of her and she will recover soon."

Carmen nodded. "I wrote a story for her. I will read it to her tomorrow."

"She will definitely enjoy it." Tears started to swell up in my eyes again.

Mum hardly remembered her past anymore. It was hardly probably that she would recognize her great-granddaughter.

How would little Carmen deal with that? Would she be able to cope?

Would I be able to cope if she didn't recognize me anymore one day?

"Granny?"

"Yes?"

"I love you." She hugged me.

It was the grandma's and the mother's task to take care of their children and grandchildren. To protect them.

To be there for them and comfort them.

It had been my granddaughter who had given my new energy and who had made me smile.

For the first time in years I felt that there was still hope for Rory Gilmore.

This feeling didn't last long – but it was there nevertheless.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm really really sorry for taking so long for this chapter. This semester is really stressful with lots of work.

I really hope to be able to update before July! ;-)

GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*GG*

**Part 7**

It was still early in the morning. The first streams of light were peaking through the curtains of my window.

Carmen was still asleep. She looked like a little angel.

I left the room of childhood silently and shut the door behind me.

"You can't do that! I need my coffee. One day you'll kill me with this…" She was searching for words.

"Tea?" he proposed friendly.

"I need my daily dose of coffee!"

"You will kill yourself with this."

Was it really possible? My steps slowed down. Was I still dreaming?

Had it all only been a terrible nightmare?

I approached the kitchen and the voices tentatively.

_-Flashback-_

"_No, Lorelai. You won't get another cup of coffee today."_

"_Luke!" She looked at him, her eyes pleading._

_He sighed. "How many?"_

"_Well…only two…five."_

_-End-_

My heart beat heavily.

I knew that it wasn't Mum and Luke, who were having this argument. I had still clasped to the most unrealistic hope like a castaway to his life boat.

Luke was giving my pregnant daughter a critical look. Suddenly he noticed me. "Good Morning, Rory." I had always been his little Rory, despite everything that had happened.

How much can a person love to forgive in such a way?

The life boat sank and pulled me into the depth of the ocean. I was awake.

"Hi, Mum." Carol looked at me hesitantly. Her delicate fingers moved through her blond hair. She had always played with her hair whenever she was nervous. I examined her shortly.

It wouldn't take long anymore. She would soon make me grandmother for the third time.

"How could you get onto a plane in your condition?" This was my greeting from my daughter whom I hadn't seen for almost a year. My greetings for the daughter who had come first to support Mum, Luke and me.

"Mum, I…"

Suddenly Ramon entered the room, who naturally had to share his opinion with us.

"I told her to come after the delivery, but…"

"You wanted to keep her from seeing her sick grandmother?" He shouldn't believe that I felt any kind of sympathy for him or his family.

"Lorelai. Mama and I only want the best for her. The doctor said…"

"I have always wanted the best for my daughter." _And that's definitely not you._

"I never claimed you didn't."

"Coffee?" Luke tried to distract us. For some reason, he actually liked the man who had destroyed the life of my daughter.

"Yes, thank you." I gave in willingly.

He handed me a cup, smiling softly.

"Thanks. By the way, Carol, where is Juan?" I missed my little grandson.

Carol and Ramon looked at each other. "He became a little sick. Susanna takes care of him. She'll bring him over soon."

It hit me like a slap in the face. "Good." It didn't sound cold enough.

I turned to Luke again. "Is Mum awake?"

He nodded lightly.

"How is she?"

"Unchanged."

_Unchanged._ It was far from good but at least she wasn't worse than yesterday.

I suddenly noticed the tray on the little table. "Can I bring it to her?"

"Of course. She has to take three of the red and two of the yellow pills", he explained.

He sounded tired.

"I want to come with you", Carol said.

"I'm not sure if that's good. She might not remember you…"

"I'm read…ready for this." She tried to sound convincing.

"As you wish."

Mum smiled lightly as we entered the room. "Rory."

"Good Morning, Mom. How are you feeling?" I put the tray on the night table.

Mum examined Carol carefully. She seemed to think hard.

Carol breathed deeply. I could guess how she felt.

"Hi Grandma. " She took Mom's hand hesitantly. "Are you cold? Your hand feels so cold. Shall I get you another blanket?"

Mum smiled. "I feel so hot."

"I'll get you a wet pack." Carol left and returned after a few minutes.

"Thank you." Mum looked at me. "You've got a really nice friend."

Carol's eyes started to tear. I pressed her hands. "Mom. This is Carol. My daughter."

"Your daughter?" Mum examined the fabric of her blanket. Suddenly her expressions changed. "You told me about your pregnancy yesterday. How old are you, Carol?"

Carol was still fighting with her tears. "39."

Mum smiled. "Is she your only child?"

Tears started to run down the pale cheeks of my daughter. She couldn't understand what had happened to Mom.

I wanted to say something, but Mom was faster.

"Don't cry, sweetie. You memory works perfectly well. Believe me, my situation still has some advantages. It's often better to not remember everything." She blinked at her.

It felt like a stab directly into my heart. Was she even aware of what she'd just said? She might have not meant it this way, after all, Carol didn't interpret like I did. She even tried to smile under her mist of tears.

"Come on, you two, sit down. Carol, do you have any siblings? Don't keep me in suspense!"

Despite the very apparent increase in her memory loss, Mum seemed to be having a good day.

"I have a brother and a sister."

Mum turned to me. "So you had three children from Logan."

Carol flashed me a glance. She and my Mom were the only ones to know of my secret.

_-Flashback-_

_I cradled little Matt happily in my arms. His eyes were as dark as his father's. I caressed his cheek softly. He was a child of true love. _

_Suddenly Logan entered the room, followed by his parents. There had almost been no day since his birth that they hadn't come to see him. _

_They hadn't even been half as much into Carol._

_She had always tried very hard to please her father's parents but had never succeeded. Even though she was the spitting image of her father. She was a girl and therefore not as worthy to them. _

_Also, she had been the reason for our marriage, which otherwise probably wouldn't have taken place. They probably even hated her as much as they hated me._

_Mitchum was terribly proud of his son for fathering a son and therefore continuing the Huntzberger line. _

_I still remember how they had all sat together in our living room, smoking a pipe. _

_The thought, that it hadn't been Logan, who had fathered a son, was a great satisfaction to me._

_-End-_


End file.
